It is interesting how often we experience negative events in our life and wonder how others should change or we reflect on their weaknesses. Do we ever really asked why the Lord allows these things to occur and who they are actually for? Here is some incite the Lord shared along this journey.
It's a journal entry from an interesting day. (I changed some names to keep identities protected)
June 30, 2019
After studying this morning, I woke up my son for Sea Cadets. My son, Bence, doesn’t want to go on the ship for the week-long boot camp. He’s been fighting it. When my Husband woke him, immediately there was push back. By the time they had to leave, my Husband and I had both raised our voices as he slowly dragged his feet to get things together and cried and murmured saying he didn’t want to go and it’s NOT fair. Etc.
Bence had a lot of gear for his week long boot camp on the Navy battleship, that he had not packed. It was the morning of and we needed to leave, yet my teenager was not only unprepared but was unwilling to get his things together quickly.
It hit me right after I snapped at Bence, that I don’t have time for this behavior (in myself) anymore. I need to get over it. I calmed down and was wanted to calmly talk to him, but my Husband was there raising his voice. I tried several times to tell my Husband that we can’t give into this behavior anymore, but it didn’t work.
By the time they left (it wasn’t as bad as it’s gotten before) but there were strong contentious feelings between everyone.
I played things out in my head, even considering the fact that I tried to calm my Husband down, but he wouldn’t have it.
I asked myself: "How else could I have done it? Should I have just spoke softly the whole time? He doesn’t want to go so that wouldn’t have helped get him into the car, he still would have dragged his feet and everyone would've been late."
Then the thought to “pack up his gear myself and put him in the car” came to mind.
I argued: That’s wrong. He is a grown kid. I’m not packing everything for him and putting him in the car!
Then I heard:
“Do you realize how many times I have packed up your things for you and put you in the car?”
I immediately thought of so many times I just couldn’t do what was being asked of me, but somehow, I scrapped by. I realized that those were the moments the lord did it all. Even to the point of carrying me to the "car" and placing me in it and loading my "packed bags" in the back.
What charity and love! What patience and long-suffering Christ exhibits.
Then the thoughts I’ve had for months came rushing in with great force.
"This ISN'T about your Son. This is practice for you. You ask for these virtues (patience, long suffering, charity, love) but fail when you are given opportunities to practice them. You MUST realize that these situations are your greatest blessings and are opportunities to turn to Christ and have him bless you with them in the moment."
These situations are answers to my prayers.
My mind began to formulate the full idea:
Your life is FOR YOU. Everything that happens in it is about you, tailored for you, designed perfectly to your needs.
A frustrating moment with kids IS NOT ABOUT your kids. A moment of hurt feelings from a friend is NOT about your friend. A mistake you see your husband make is NOT about your husband. EVERYTHING is done FOR you to learn and grow. Everything is about YOU. For you. EVERYTHING is a blessing and answer to your prayers. They allow you to learn, change and develop trust in Christ, allowing his spirit to teach you and guide you.
As a Mom, I am constantly correcting and fixing ideas and behaviors in my children. However, that's not the purpose of me having children. The whole purpose is for me to get to the point where I wholly rely on Christ.
I know we say this but it’s usually pointed at the big things: Losing a job or loved one, divorce and illness etc. But those things don’t change who I am. The big things actually just show me where I am with these virtues. It’s these small daily moments that change me, so far as I let them.
This principal is so deeply layered. When I would reflect on moments where friends had hurt me and I’d asked the Lord:
“Why did they do that? Why couldn’t they have been better in that area of our friendship?”
And immediately I realized it’s NOT about them. Nothing is. It’s all about me. I’m trying to change. I’m trying to know my Savior in a way that is beyond this world. I’m trying to become someone who is like him. It’s something I pray for. It’s something I desire more than anything else.
Hence, my loving Father has tailored these moments, events whatever you want to call them... to give me all the practice I will need to develop trust in Christ to the extent that I submit to him and his spirit.
When My Son is murmuring and refusing to pack his things. It’s Father saying:
“Here, try patience and long suffering again today, and let’s see how you do. And, if you do that well, let’s throw in some charity at the end of it.”
(Which would be me packing his things for him and helping him to the car with ‘love unfeigned’)
My heart leapt in my chest at this new insight. It’s something I’ve rehearsed for years, saying these things to myself, but somehow, I finally REALLY heard it today. Something changed in me. I had no more desire to be upset with my son or with my husband for handling the situation “wrong”. I don’t have time in this life to waste these precious “practicing moments”. I need EVERY single one of them to be used to develop my relationship with Christ. These moments aren't happening as a reason to get mad, cast blame, focus on other's faults or what shouldn’t happen, or how I can change them and so on.
Instead, it's all tailored for me to actively turn to Christ and hear him in every moment.
What an incredible plan! Once I stop kicking against the pricks, and trust in Christ in every moment, the majesty of this world unfolds, and those difficult situations become sacred.
My day instantly became brighter, and I felt a burden lift as well as a light increase in my mind.
I discussed this with my Husband, and he fully agreed that we are ready to stop acting the way the carnal man does and become something better.
My day didn’t end perfectly or without any errors on my part but it did end with great upward strides that leave me excited for tomorrow.
I can do this! Through Christ I can do all things. It makes so much sense now. The only person I ever had power to change was myself. I see the importance in having the right perspective to enable that power within me. To see every event, big or small, as an answered prayer to help me become what I truly desire: a follower of Christ.
Today, I end my day grateful for disobedient children, a hardheaded husband, household chores that never end, crazy toddlers and bad drivers. Because the reality is, they are all helping me reach the one thing I desire above all, my Savior's presence.
I'm so grateful for this plan. My heart is full. My cup overfloweth.
Comments